• THE DIARY

TODAY I AM FIFTEEN

(July 13, 1915).

Today I'm 15 years old. Fifteen years old! The age all would like to be; the younger ones, to be considered as grownups, and the older ones and those who have passed this age, even those who are 25 years old, would like to return to this age because it is happiest of all.

Yet I keep on thinking: 15 years, 15 years that God has preserved my life. He gave it to me in 1900. In creating me He preferred me to millions of beings.

In 1914, the year that just ended, I was sick and nearly died, but He gave me life another time. On my part, what have I done for so great a favor and because God has twice given me life ?

Fifteen years old! What have I been concerned with in these 15 years? What have I done to please that omnipotent King and most merciful Creator who created me? Why did He prefer me to so many other creatures ?

The future hasn't been revealed to me, yet Jesus has pulled back the curtain and I have glimpsed the beautiful shores of Carmel.

How many times have I not begged God to take me from this world. And He almost deigned to grant my pleas but has sent me illnesses from which they believed He wouldn't save me. Yet Jesus has taught me that I must not ask for this and has put as a limit for my journey of like 9 more years in the blessed harbor of Carmel.

Fifteen is the most dangerous age for a young girl because it marks her entrance into the tempestuous sea of the world. But now that I'm 15 years old, Jesus has taken command of my ship and has protected it from encountering other vessels. He has kept me in solitude with Himself. Consequently, my heart, by knowing this Captain, has fallen under the spell of His love, and here He keeps me captive. Oh, I love this prison and this powerful King who keeps me captive; and how I love this Captain who amid the waves of the ocean doesn't allow me to suffer shipwreck.

Each day Jesus nourishes me with His adorable Body and, together with this delicate food, I hear a sweet and soft voice like the harmonious echoes of the angels of heaven. This a the voice that guides me, that loosens the sails of the ship of my soul. And in my pains, in my temptations, He is my Consoler, He is my Captain.

May my Jesus always lead me by the way of the Cross. And then my soul will take flight where it can encounter the air that gives life and where there is repose.

(Diary, §10, trans. Michael D. Griffin, Teresian Charism Press, 1989).

Photo : Juanita and Rebeca.